-Before you read this post know that certain phrases may be triggering to self harmers-

When Tre and I started dating, he thought I was amazing and perfect. His dream girl. What he didn't know is that I had an ugly, terrible secret.
For the first few months of our relationship, it was easy to hide because we didn't live together. But it because harder and harder to hide.
I cut. I have mood swings. I pull out my hair.I get panic attacks. I have depression, and I've had it for over ten years.

I didn't tell Tre at first because I was embarrassed. There is such a stigma attached to eating disorders and cutting. Hell, some people on the internet think it's super cool to be different. But it's not. When you're a cutter, you're alienated and talked about. You're afraid to wear short sleeves in 100 degree heat because you know that people are going to see. (Side note: Why do people ask when they obviously know what they are?) There's nothing quirky or 'adorkable' about being sick. nothing. It's an addiction that I struggle with everyday. You wouldn't assume a heroin addict could simply stop after one day, I will never understand why people think I can just stop. It's a process and I have to take it day 

 I was able to hide it with strategic clothing and makeup for months. Until my mother and I had a falling out. I wanted to hurt myself. I didn't care if he knew then, I don't know why because I worked so hard to hide it for almost nine months. I broke down and told Tre everything. He didn't understand (I believe you have to hurt yourself to truly understand why people hurt themselves) but he was supportive. That's really all I want and need from him when it comes to this and I'm glad that he respects my boundaries. 

I realize that I am incredibly lucky to have someone like Tre because depression is embarrassing. Self harming is especially humiliating because everyone can see what you're going through but usually don't know how to help. It's been very lonely and I'm glad that I have someone to talk about it with. I'm glad that I finally have unconditional love with him and Anakin.

The love I receive from the is an escape from the hate that I feel because of my depression

I never really thought that I would be so lucky to have a supportive family. I'm glad they are in my life. People always assume that we didn't know each other well enough to live together/get married/have Kinny, but as I type this in a hospital I can tell you that Tre and I have overcame so much in such a short time that our love can be nothing but true. Damn, that's corny. But if you have someone that still things you're great while they are seeing you at your worst, you know that you are loved.

Tre and I actually started Bounjournikkie.com so I could have an outlet. Something to do instead of cutting. So, if you do self harm, how do you try to distract yourself from it?