In a previous post, I talked about going natural. After about three weeks, I think I have the the natural hair blues.It's a lot more than just leaving your hair in it's natural state! I actually feel like this is a lot more to take care of! There's so much upkeep and so many more tangles! I'm not sure if this life is for me. I do feel like natural hair is a totally different life. Tre can't run his fingers through my hair, it takes to one to detangle my hair, my hair gets dry a lot easier and the products are a lot more expensive than what I was previously using. My hair is taking over my life!
As you probably know, I'm biracial. My hair is also biracial, it gets curly when it's wet, but dries straight. Even though it dries straight, my hair is so thick that I feel like the Forbidden Forest is on top of my head sometimes! Maybe I'm having a rough time because I never really learned how to take care of my hair. As far back as I can remember, my hair was treated like something to hide, or be ashamed of. Not to get all psychological on the readers of this blog, but my hair reminds me of my dad who routinely pissed me off until I was twelve and he lost his parental rights. I think that's the real reason I hate my hair. My mom, has what most people consider "good hair" and even wears extensions most of the time and seeming that for all of my teen years is probably another reason why I think my hair is total crap. Assuming this is why i feel this way, I can't help but wonder if my self esteem issues will negatively affect Anakin at some point?
It's pretty hard to feel good about myself. I feel less beautiful because of my hair, I hate feeling that way. I hate feeling like I have to change how God made me in order to feel like I look okay. I need to learn to love myself, but it's so hard. The standard of beauty seems to be one thing, especially in the world of fashion blogging. Which is a big reason why I don't do many outfit of the day posts.
What is that teaching my son?
Sometimes, I wonder and worry if this obsession with making my hair "even more caucasian" is going to give him complex when he is older. I don't want Anakin to think African American hair is ugly, or that all girls need to have hair down to their boobs in order to be cute. I love Anakin so much and I don't want him to feel the way I feel, or cause others to feel this way. If Anakin does end up having curly hair, I don't want him to hate his hair. If Tre and I have future children, I don't want "nappy head" to be an insult. Because for me, it's an insult.
The answer is in the question. Just don't make it a question. Accept it the way it is. Then love it. There is no reason to feel bad just because of the past or how others feel about it. When others see how proud you are they will see beauty in it. It doesn't have to be liked by everyone for it to be great. There are successful celebrities but a lot of people can hate them.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, if you need hair tips on going natural, I'm one of the best people to ask.